220148

Joke of the Day

"I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire."

"""What is the difference between a burger and a blow job?"" "" I don't know, what is the difference between a burger and a blow job?"" ""Let's go to lunch!"""

"What happened to the egg and his girlfriend? They broke up."

"What did the prostitute say after fucking Jesus? Nailed it!"

"Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint"

"Why can't I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded."

"The average person swallows eight spiders a year. And i've NEVER settled for average (pours burlap sack of spiders down throat)"

"My wife and I tried anal for the first time... is it supposed to hurt this much? i couldn't sit upright for a while..."

"No matter how loud car alarms are, cars never seem to wake up."

"Me: My body is a temple Personal Trainer: But what about all the food and wine and parties? Me: It's a temple to Dionysus"