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Joke of the Day

"Me: My body is a temple Personal Trainer: But what about all the food and wine and parties? Me: It's a temple to Dionysus"

"Don't listen to anything your ex boyfriend says. He is always wrong. Unless he says you're spectacular and give good head, then, he is right"

"My teacher touched me Seriously, his lecture was fantastic"

"MTVs Teen Mom has been cancelled. At least one person on that network knows when to pull out."

"Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges"

"Maced a hobo who started pulling cables out of my computer at work. Turned out to be the hipster IT guy and now I'm in HR again."

"I thought the big NYC ball was mechanically operated but I guess not. I heard Mariah Carey dropped it last night during her performance."

"What do you call a run-down and Italian neighborhood? The Sphaghetto"

"Mexican magician A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, ""uno, dos..."" *poof*... He disappered without a tres."

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice."