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Joke of the Day

"I like to ask strangers in line at the DMV to guess my weight just so I can see what I can get away with putting on my license."

"When the police asked Bernie if he profited from stealing millions of dollars from his former clients he replied, ""What do you think i'm Madoff?"""

"What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter? 'w'"

"They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck."

"I believe: - I can fly. - Children are the future. - Knowledge is power. - I will use my powers to defeat the future children."

"What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls on you? A pool table"

"According to daytime tv commercials..just by being alive, you may entitled to compensation from somebody and a lawyer is there to get paid"

"I shot Quiet in the head on MGS5 She's really fucking Quiet now."

"Can't believe i actually met a guy named Dick Putinson"

"Did do hear about the part of my house that died from a drug overdose? He was an attic"