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Joke of the Day

"I hate when women try to talk about sports... You don't see me in the kitchen telling them how to make a sandwich."

"Umm, your honour? In my defence, I think it was a pretty decent exposure."

"I realized today that my bed sheets are covered in layers of dead skin cells. It's okay though, I'm comfortable in my own skin."

"Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it."

"I found my first white hair on my head ... I'm gonna name him Gentrification. I'm so sorry."

"My coworker and I have the same job title with the same number of years experience. He was pissed when he found out my salary was only a fraction his. Turns out that fraction is 2/1"

"Which side of the goose has the most feathers? The outside"

"I get wetter as you get dryer. What am I? A necrophiliac."

"""Mom, I'm here to make your boobs big."" - smiling 3 yr old comes out of garage with a bike pump."

"What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more? Philip Hoffman's belt."