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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them."

"Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk."

"What do you call a cock-muncher's favorite meal..? Not me.. Stop calling me that."

"I became a proud dad today. He's four but he was a boring little shit for the first three years."

"I had unprotected sex with a neurotic person a while back... Now I have genital worrywarts."

"Criminal on the electric chair. The officer asks: Any last wishes? The criminal: Please hold my hand"

"Noah build an ark ""what? why"" I'm gunna flood the earth ""just give me fish powers"" [jealous he didn't think of that] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!"

"Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him."

"They say ""You are what you eat"" so I guess we should eat skinny people."

"BREAKING: Apple reportedly prepping electric car. Battery life is expected to be about an hour, with a 2 foot charging cable."