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Joke of the Day

"Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk."

"People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties."

"I see there's going to be a new PeeWee Herman movie on Netflix. It's a good thing it won't be in theaters."

"why are archaeologists so proud of their study? their work is always groundbreaking"

"Is it appropriate for a receptionist at a sperm clinic to tell their clients ""thanks for coming"" as they leave?"

"What do West Virginians call a pretty woman? A tourist."

"I don't really like abortion jokes. The delivery is always sloppy."

"A morning-after pill but for when you accidentally hear a Maroon 5 song"

"*me holding a human baby* i think this cat is broken"

"Q: What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit? A: The defendant."