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Joke of the Day

"So this guy asked me why I was stirring my coffee with my dick... I told him, ""Shut up, I ordered a small for a reason!"""

"[driving] Goddamn pedestrians [walking] Goddamn drivers [both] Goddamn cyclists"

"what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex"

"Do you like pudding? Bill Cosby like pudding his dick where it didn't belong."

"Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry."

"my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place"

"The vet told me ""I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down."" ""Oh God!"" I said. ""WHY?!"" ""Because my arms are getting tired."""

"Anyone who doesn't request unlimited salad and breadsticks as their last meal is an idiot"

"""Jared"" from Subway recently posted an image on Reddit of him sucking a minor's penis ... ... he later deleted the image and replied ""Oops, wrong sub."""

"What's the best part about getting head from an infant? Watching the soft spot move."