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Joke of the Day

"my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place"

"I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left."""

"I have conversational ninja skills... People don't notice when I'm talking."

"What do you say when you see your TV floating in the middle of the night? Drop it Ni**a (sorry for the offensive word)"

"What do you mean dinosaurs didn't have titties?! *throws my camera on the ground and causes a scene as I leave the museum *"

"Met a microbiologist this morning He was bigger than I expected."

"All these people training for marathons and I'm over here, on my couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger."

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud."

"still waiting to see a used car commercial that looks like they cared enough to do more than one take."

"Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Because he only **comes** once a year."