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Joke of the Day

"A man took his family to the zoo The only animal in the zoo was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu."

"What is long, hard, and has cum in it? Cucumber"

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has it's pricks on the outside!"

"I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty."

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket, I told her straight up I was cheating, there was no way I was going to confess I sell AVON.."

"I went to a seafood disco last week... ...and pulled a mussel."

"Me: You put the ""cow"" in ""coworker"" Her: Excuse me?? Me: It's a joke format. Her: I'm telling HR.. Me: Ok but I doubt they'll get it either."

"[baby finally falls asleep] ME: *tip toes to couch* I can finally relax DOG: I'M GONNA BARK FOR NO REASON"

"""You're going to love my friend. He's hilarious."" is still the best way to know you're about to meet an annoying person."

"If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs."