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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket, I told her straight up I was cheating, there was no way I was going to confess I sell AVON.."

"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."

"I divorced my wife because she made a horrible april fools joke April fools"

"My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me."

"Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar? You're screwed if the rubber breaks."

"what do you say to a puking prostitute? Heave-ho!"

"Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it"

"Atheists swear they not going to hell just cuz they don't believe in it. nigga I don't believe in having a job but I still go to work"

"Why are camels called ""The Ships of the Desert?"" Because they're full of Arab semen."

"I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved."