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Joke of the Day
"What is long, hard, and has cum in it? Cucumber"
Next Joke
"Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple."
"Parachuting is probably the best way to put your life in the hands of a backpack."
"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher handsomer and smarter than some really really big guy named Chuck."
"I saw a Russian woman shouting at her husband It's clear who wears the tracksuit bottoms in that relationship"
"I had a friend who had a fear of flying. I told him that statistically, the modern airplane is more afraid of us than we are of it."
"Any one want to get a Helen Keller thread going? What do you do after you rape Helen Keller? Break her fingers so she can't tell her mom."
"""Dad, we need to talk."" ""Alright."" He grabs a chair and sits. ""Dad, you-"" He grabs yet another chair. ""DAMMIT DAD YOU'RE ADDICTED TO CHAIRS"""
"First date tip: let a photo of a dog fall out of your wallet. When she asks ""is that your puppy?"" say ""No. That's my dad."" Then storm off."
"I love nutella so much I want to marry it and have little nutella babies with it and then eat my whole family with a spoon."