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Joke of the Day

"I'm a vegan and a registered sex offender... When I move into a new neighbourhood, what am I supposed to tell everyone first?"

"That awkward moment when your friends are singing ""happy birthday to you"" and you don't know where to look."

"What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime"

"Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked."

"So I started chatting up this Asian girl after a little while she said, sex, sex, sex, free, sex for you. Her friend quickly pointed out that she was giving me her phone number 666-3642"

"Easily the best knock knock joke for a Dad. Dad: Say Knock knock Son: Knock Knock Dad: Whose there? Son:..."

"For a second I thought this cookie had raisins in it, but luckily they're just spider egg sacs."

"Who's the coolest guy at the hospital? The ultra sound guy. Who's the coolest guy when he's not around? The hip replacement guy."

"How many cops dose it take to change a light bulb? 5 one to replace the bulb and 4 to beat the room for being black."

"Hacking is like gay sex... you enter a backdoor hoping there are no logs."