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Joke of the Day

"Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"Pet Shopping Paddy says ""Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."" ""fuck that"" says Mick ""have you seen how many of their owners go blind"""

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty bastards."

"Did you guys hear the rumor about the butter? I don't know if I should spread it."

"When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren't my kids but he'd never fire a Mom of seven, right?"

"What do you call a black guy who sells flowers? A florist."

"Why did the console peasant cross the road? To render the building on the other side"

"COP: You're under arrest for owning a non-domesticated animal. ME:(looks at otter)You mean Dave? COP:...and for this weed ME: That's Dave's"

"Yesterday my dad told me if he saw me on the computer latenight again... He would smash my head into my keyHDJbdvxhjJDKLXUXBgshdjcmcnGxcNdnckcoNcbcjxndbcjcjkxndJdhhshdbdn"