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Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when your friends are singing ""happy birthday to you"" and you don't know where to look."

"I'm on Twitter because my family is on Facebook."

"I carry an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"Harry Potter is a kind of ""whodunnit"" book series and you-know-whodunnit..."

"speak, three languages you are trilingual, two, bi-lingual, what do they call you if you only speak one language? American"

"What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster? You have to shuck the oyster between fits."

"Jewish kid asks his Grandpa for money Grandson: Hey Grandpa, can I have 30 dollars? Jewish Grandpa: 20 dollars?? What do you need 10 dollars for?!"

"A naked woman robbed a bank yesterday Nobody could remember her face."

"Q: How do you make soup gold? A: You put in fourteen carrots."

"Took a screenshot with my iPhone with the intention of texting a picture of my cracked screen.So the answer is no I didn't graduate college."