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Joke of the Day

"You attract more men when you smell like butter, sauteed ham and onions than any expensive perfume."

"A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay"

"All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public."

"I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,""What are you doing?! That will ruin it!"" She replies,""Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"""

"My tribal name is sleeps in the river... I was a bed-wetter"

"Them: Hi. I'm happy to meet you. Me: Hi. I'm awkward and already trying to find a way out of this conversation."

"If you don't boo at people after bad sex how do you expect them to ever get better?"

"For a final paper, I was assigned to write 3000 words So I put 3 pictures in there."

"ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing."

"Laugh while you can, 2016... ...you're next."