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Joke of the Day

"ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing."

"What is a trailer park's favorite game? Twister"

"How do you know that there's a monster in your bath? You can't get the shower curtain closed."

"If you weigh a whale at a whale weigh station, where do you weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie."

"I consider myself a practical gentleman. That's why I masturbate in the shower. The cleanup is a breeze. The only trouble is keeping my laptop dry. That's why I bring the umbrella."

"A penis is like a box of chocolates Because girls can't get enough of them as long as they're dark and rich."

"Don't make fun of Kanye when he's talking to his reflection That would be two Yeezy"

"Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head."

"if all my friends jumped off a cliff I wouldn't do it too because cats can land on their feet they'll be fine"

"""You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself"" ~ 5th Amendment, understood by nobody onTwitter."