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Joke of the Day

"ME: What tattoo should I get? TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please."

"If we get to have sex with our valentines on Valentine's Day I can't wait until Presidents' Day."

"What's the real reason Lego Movie didn't get nominated for an Oscar? They thought it was called ""The Leo Movie""."

"Two reposters are in a plane crush. Who survives? Reddit"

"The cutest thing my SO does... Her handwriting looks like she has Parkinson's"

"Things presently more popular than Congress: - shingles - those annoying stickers they put on apples - tofurkey - bone fractures - road ham"

"*Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED"

"I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend ""because I'm such a pretty girl"". I'm a psycho, grandma."

"Why should you always keep a firearm in the small room by your front door? Foyer protection"

"The fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."