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Joke of the Day

"I dont like circles They're *pointless*"

"How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she can fit into your wife's clothes."

"My friends always say that I have narcissistic tendencies. I should get mad... ...but I love when they talk about me."

"I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo."

"I found the quickest way for a woman to make you a millionaire. See, first you need to be a billionaire..."

"If I had a dollar for every gender there is I'd have $2"

"Where do Grape Nuts come from? Boy grapes."

"My favorite oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp. 2. Act natural. 3. Boneless ribs. 4. Civil war. 5. Freezer burn. 6. Adult male. 7. Happy marriage."

"What do you call a person who you had a one night stand with on Mars? A solmate"

"I like my meth labs like I like my girlfriends: highly unstable and locked in my basement."