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Joke of the Day

"An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. ""How did you get here?"" he asked. And the new angel replied ""Flu..."""

"*cop pulls me over* ""Sir do you-"" You a cop? You have to tell me if you're a cop ""What?"" You seem cool. Wanna buy some weed? *pause* ""Yes"""

"Finally, I win 1st place in something! A guy recently rated me as a solid 1 in the attractiveness scale. I've never won anything in my life!"

"[making small talk at a business function] ""You're 35 aren't you?"" ""No, I'm 38"" ""Oh right"" [long silence] ""Did you used to be 35?"""

"Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?"

"Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he's dead."

"My neighbor named his dog ""Rolex""... He's a watch dog."

"What did the roach say after a series of disappointing hotel stays? This is my last resort."

"My boyfriend said it would be nice if once in a while he woke up to breakfast in bed... I put his bed in the kitchen..."

"What do you cal a Deaf and Mute person? It doesn't matter. He's not going to come."