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Joke of the Day

"You know when guys pee, and they shake their pen!s for that last drop? ...........That's how much gas I got for 2 dollars."

"Failed my Politics exam. ""Describe the role that India plays in the modern world"". Apparently ""Tech Support"" is not the correct answer."

"What do you call a james bond film about a calculator? Casio royale"

"ant-man: im here to stop u bad guy: [pulls out a can of Raid] ant-man: motherf"

"Celebrities are called stars because they're hot, not very bright, unattainable and destined to eventually collapse into a black hole."

"They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs."

"[at Chinese restaurant] ""Hi I'll have a large goingon"" -What is goingon? ""Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"""

"He saved his family three times in the Taken films and got no thanks. The next one should be called Taken 4: Granted"

"I keep forgetting - which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?"

"""This is mine"", he growled passionately into her ear. ""Are we clear?"" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again."