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Joke of the Day

"When someone asks, ""How are you?"" I say, ""5-7-8-3"" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it."

"if i don't respond to your text, it's because i fell asleep finding a dumb picture of mos def to send u in lieu of typing ""most definitely"""

"Paris Hilton picked up the new Galaxy Note 7.... That's Hot."

"A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks, ""why the long face?"" The horse starts crying. In between the sobs, he says ""it's not my fault I look like Sarah Jessica Parker!"""

"What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight? Muay Thai"

"So my friend asked me if I wanted some Sodium Hypobromite... and I was like, NaBrO"

"How many hairs are in a dog's tail? None. They are all on the outside."

"Reddit repost"

"People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V ""Tuesday"""

"There's a new machine at my gym. I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick... It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!"