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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper? Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything."

"What did Picard say to Riker when the knitting machine wouldn't print single digits? Make it sew number 1!"

"(Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one"

"Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese? Because he's not a rat."

"Star wars dad joke heard tonight Dad ""Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."" Me ""he's a wookie. "" Dad ""he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."""

"What is the first thing a cannibal does after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his ass."

"I invented telescopic arms for snooker players........and the rest is history."

"I just finished doing 100 push-ups over a period of 8 years"

"9yo: *struggling for 10 mins trying to start peeling a banana* How do you get into these!? Yo, evolution: You missed one.."