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Joke of the Day

"IAMA convicted murderer who escaped last week from an upstate New York prison currently on the run somewhere in North America. AMA!"

"Why can't you explain puns to kelptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally."

"What is the the Chicken's favorite composer? bach bach bach time to return to /r/TIL"

"You ever do one single chore and then ride that high for 10 years"

"Take something someone says, then perceive it in every terrible way imaginable POOF you're a woman."

"A table walks into a bar and says... Drinks are on me!"

"I think i just wrote a joke out of my pathetic love life while fixing supper and here it goes. What does a bachelor eat the most? Balonely sandwiches."

"[makes eye contact with someone through crack in bathroom stall] hey"

"Whats the last thing you give a tickle me elmo before it leaves the factory? Two test-tickles."

"Pretty cool that there's no law saying you can't name your kid Squidward if you want."