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Joke of the Day

"They call me the human Hoyer lift... because I'm good at picking up fat chicks."

"Five reasons not to use an electric toilet Number two will shock you"

"All I ask is that when I'm murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a bunch of Mexicans? Jesus doesn't have a bunch of Mexicans tattooed all over himself."

"How many friend zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They'll just compliment it way too much and then get pissed when it won't screw."

"Hey babe, are you a Sasquatch? Because I'm a cryptozoologist and I've been looking for you my whole life."

"Why is twelve an unfair number? Because it's two against one"

"""daddy why did the moon turn red?"" ""because god is flooding it with the blood of all the children who ask too many questions sweetie"""

"Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces? Because they're acetic."

"I think I'm allergic to alcohol... After about 10-12 beers, I throw up. It's the damndest thing!"