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Joke of the Day

"Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces? Because they're acetic."

"Just got a call from the wife saying she'd broken the wing mirror. Just got a call from the wife saying she'd broken the wing mirror. I asked ""How the hell did you do that""? ""The car rolled on it""."

"Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship"

"Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a ""How's My Driving?"" bumper sticker on her car...The phone pretty much rings off the hook now."

"Roses are red, violets are blue Enjoy the cancer I just gave to you"

"You're having a big wedding? Cool. I'm having a Big Mac"

"911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody."

"Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, ""YES!"""

"Where did the glue go on vacation? Nowhere! He just stuck around!"

"You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!"