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Joke of the Day

"haha just plucked a shoulder hair so long it could only have been written by George R.R. Martin, who is widely known for abjuring brevity in"

"I'd rather die than have an egg on my hamburger but to be fair I already sort of wanted to die"

"*Throws caution to the wind* *gets covered in caution*"

"What do you call a robot with bad breath who's sister lives on its foot? HAL-i-toe-sis"

"So there's a child and a gorilla... Well there WAS a gorilla."

"My boss said, ""Have a good day""... So I went home."

"How frustrating would it be if you turned into a zombie before you had a chance to put your dentures in?"

"Whoever called it a ""dust bunny"" was in a super good mood."

"Fella goes to the house of ill repute. Lady meets him at the door and he asks ""how much""? ""$25"" she sezs. ""You gotta be putting me on"", sez Fella. ""No, that's another $5"" sez Lady."

"I don't blame sharks. If someone walked into my house and started splashing around in my bath, I'd bite their leg off too."