201694

Joke of the Day

"*Throws caution to the wind* *gets covered in caution*"

"I really can't stand listening to dubstep... I guess it just wubs me the wrong way."

"I used to be afraid of flying in planes Until I tried it without one."

"Five Guys isn't the same when only 3 of them are working."

"A man walks into a bar... ...and loses the international limbo championship. (I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)"

"""You should go with the black one"" I whispered from inside the clothes rack as she dropped both shirts and ran. FINE, GO WITH THE WHITE ONE"

"Q: Why did the little girl bury her flashlight? A: Her batteries were dead."

"My mom asked where the remote was and my son told her it was up her ass. She high-fived him and then turned around and slapped me."

"What do you call an alien from Austria? Austalian"

"What do you say to a giraffe? ""Hi, Asshole!"" (Made that up myself, I did.)"