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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised they didn't make an all-female Ghost Busters sooner... Busting ghosts at three quarters on the dollar? What a savings!"

"I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day."

"A homeless man told me this one. (Kinda NSFW) Why do women have two pairs of lips? One to bitch with, and one to apologize with."

"[text] ""Hey"" Hi. ""I'm just laying in bed thinking about you."" This is your mom. ""New phone who dis?"" Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me."

"My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works."

"I went to the Zoo the other day, but all it had was one dog. It was a shitzu."

"Why did the hippie put his money in the refrigerator? He liked cold cash."

"And then one day you realize you're older and fatter than old fat Elvis."

"*gets taste of own medicine* Yep this is my medicine"

"There's nothing worse than getting bullied in school... Especially if you are a fish."