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Joke of the Day

"Lady Astronaut: *eats all the chocolate* Guy Astronaut: You know we're on the space shuttle for- LA: SHUTTLE YOUR MOUTH AND GIVE ME SPACE"

"A guy pissed off 7 bears and is getting chased! How do you describe the bears? Fast and Furious 7"

"What do you call a wandering caveman? A Meanderthal."

"Good thing some people show their bare chest in their profile pic, otherwise we wouldn't have known they had a torso."

"What does a nine volt battery and an asshole have in common? The look on your face when you lick it"

"I really hate when people only put one word in their submissions title"

"I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia I told them I could explain everything"

"Wrong hole. Wrong hole. Wrong hole. Wrong hole. -trying to put on my distressed denim jeans"

"It's a shame that the Woman in Pakistan got stoned... ...but Jihad it coming."

"John has 400 spiders, he eats 398, what does John have now? Cancer"