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Joke of the Day

"What does a nine volt battery and an asshole have in common? The look on your face when you lick it"

"This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said ""I didn't know Pink used her last name as well"" Now she's dead"

"Two blondes walk into a building... You would think one of them would see the building coming."

"I've never been good with 'pick-up' lines I once said to this girl, ""Hey, you get fries with that shake?"" It turns out she had Parkinson's."

"Sorry, can't. I looked away while my child was in the middle of an hour long run-on story and now he has to start all over."

"A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm sorry, we don'tserve food here."""

"How do you know if someone owns an Apple Watch? Don't worry, they will tell you."

"I always try to hold in my sneezes so I don't give someone a reason to talk to me"

"I hate when I put my open beer down and forget where I put it and then I find like 7 open beers."

"you don't need to thank everyone on facebook for your birthday messages, they were not sincere."