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Joke of the Day

"Good thing some people show their bare chest in their profile pic, otherwise we wouldn't have known they had a torso."

"[kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT."

"Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better. CAN'T WAIT!"

"The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama."

"Someday Kevin Bacon will become a restauranteur... He could open up a steakhouse called *Hoof-Loose*."

"I wonder if they got jokes in Russia about ""capitalistic America""... In capitalistic America, bank robs you!"

"How do you know the high heel was invented by men? Who else invents things?"

"""Ewww how'd that get in the house? I don't wanna kill it. I'll just put it outside"" *scoops your baby up in a tissue*"

"What body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s? Spine"

"Take your girl camping and your relationship will become more in tents. Not Sorry."