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Joke of the Day

"I'm allergic to Everclear. It makes me break out.. Into handcuffs."

"What do you call a waffle that burps too much? A belchin waffle."

"People tell me I'm too condescending. That means I talk down to them."

"It's late and I'm wondering what my high school girlfriend is doing now. I'd call her but I know she has a big algebra test tomorrow."

"Did you hear about the woman who doesn't like banker jokes? So if you take her on a date, you'd better not teller any."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alison ! Alison who ? Alison to my radio in the mornings !"

"DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically"

"This Halloween I'm going to dress up like Bernie Sanders... and go around the bar drinking 90% of everyone elses beer..."

"I always play Jenga on a first date That way girls know my pull out game is strong"

"What's black and white and being milked tonight? Michael brown's death"