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Joke of the Day

"DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically"

"Did you hear about the suicide bomber? His career ended just as it was beginning to blow up..."

"How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door."

"As the zombies swarm, I ask for one last selfie. By the time they realise their dead flesh won't activate the touch screen, I'm long gone."

"Did you hear about that golfer who sang a song every time he hit a wayward ball? They say he made a fore tune!"

"diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any."

"What is an astronaut's favorite key on a keyboard? The spacebar!"

"What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it."

"Gender fluid I'm gender fluid. Some times I'm a man, and some times I'm a woman. It depends on which restroom is available."

"Where do poor meatballs live? In the Spaghetto. (I 've seen this on reddit before, one of my all time favorites though!)"