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Joke of the Day

"The toilet bowl was stolen from the local police precinct last night. The cops have nothing to go on."

"How does George W. Bush do well on his high school midterms? He uses study strategeries."

"I can't believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment"

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"Promoting a film with ""From the producers of..."" is like advertising a sandwich with the words ""From the supermarket that also sells jam""."

"70% of the Earth's surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist."

"I like my coffee like I like slaves.... Free."

"Why did you get a tattoo? Because tatthrees were too expensive."

"What do you call an Asian in a tank? A chink in the armor."

"A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs. The Customs official says ""Have you got anything to declare?"" He thinks a second and he says ""It's a nice-a day!"""