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Joke of the Day

"A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs. The Customs official says ""Have you got anything to declare?"" He thinks a second and he says ""It's a nice-a day!"""

"Pretty sure you can see me practicing my ""not all Muslims are bad"" Thanksgiving talking points in the bg of a student film in Wash Sq Park."

"I was at the public swimming pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end. The lifeguard must have noticed - he blew his whistle so fucking loud, I nearly fell in."

"If you drop this book in a pig pen what should you do? Take the words out of their mouths."

"I walked into a bar and some chick tried to pick me up I said ""Put me down, you are going to hurt yourself."""

"I ordered girlfriend from Thailand who thinks small penis isn't an obstacle for relationship. Now I just have to get used to that she has one."

"The doctors were concerned... ..about my headaches, so they sent me for a brain scan. They found nothing. Still concerned, they gave me an IQ test. The results were negative."

"I have an idea for a make-your-own hotdog place It's called ""What's the Wurst That Could Happen?"""

"What's the world's longest sentence? .... I do."

"ISIS frequently takes credit for random attacks even when they had nothing to do with them, making ISIS basically the Fat Jew of terrorism"