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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee like I like slaves.... Free."

"What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? The rib cage."

"I'm only drinking two beers. Because I have self control and two beers"

"OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail"

"If Trump wins I'm moving to my last Sim City 2000 save file."

"What is created when you rub two oranges together? Pulp Friction"

"My wife asked me: ""Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."" I replied: "" I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"""

"What do you call a cook with ebowla espatula ill be here all night guys"

"""Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."""

"What did the engineer say to the bridge after it had collapsed? I trussed you."