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Joke of the Day

"All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens."

"My girlfriend in college left me for another woman. I completely misunderstood her when she said she was going to study a broad."

"To avoid identity theft when I die I want to be shredded."

"A man walking into a bar and says, ""I'll have ten times more beers than your next biggest drinker"" The bartender replied, ""Now that's an order of magnitude!"""

"Why do people walk by and say ""Hi, how are you?"" but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!"

"How many dead prostitutes we need to change a lightbulb ? Certainly not three, because in my basement is still dark."

"Conserve energy. How would you feel if someone turned you on and left?"

"Being Bipolar sucks... I love it"

"Looks like the heavy bag of sirloins fell off the top shelf, landing on the butchers head, and killing him. Looks like the steaks *shades* were too high. YEAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Little Susie goes to the doctor... Little Susie goes to the doctor. Doctor puts a stethoscope on her back and says, ""Ok now, big breathes."" Susie says, ""I know! And I'm only 12!"""