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Joke of the Day

"Why are antivax parents so afraid of their kids getting autism? Because they know, first hand, how hard life is when you're a fucking retard."

"Check-writing-grocery-line lady. No-turn-signal-SUV guy. Recline-seat-into-your-lap man. They're all voting tomorrow. Let's cancel them out."

"what did one snowman say to the other? do you smell carrots?"

"I probably wouldn't even use the gym if I were in prison."

"What do you call a puppy combined with bread? Well, It's not a purebread anymore."

"What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road? Rust-in-peace."

"""Hello, would you like to take part in a one-question survey?"" ""Sure."" ""Great! Thanks for participating."""

"I like my coffee, like I like my women... I don't like women."

"What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding? He force quit."

"Suicide Bomber They said, ""If you blow up the building, you'll get 72 virgins when you go to heaven!"" I said, ""How about I just vandalize it for 5 sluts right now?"""