196821

Joke of the Day

"Check-writing-grocery-line lady. No-turn-signal-SUV guy. Recline-seat-into-your-lap man. They're all voting tomorrow. Let's cancel them out."

"Why dont i watch porn anymore? Because they all suck ass."

"I'd like to have a kid but I'm not sure I'm ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are."

"A doctor tells his patient he's got only six months to live. But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives him another six months."

"I'm doing market research for a telescope manufacturer, I run the focus group."

"Wife just looked at an 8""x8"" picture and estimated it to be 12""x12"". Perhaps you can see why I consider this a good thing."

"Advice to the worm Sleep in late!"

"What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino."

"What's the difference between a republican and a democrat? How much damage can their Weiner make..."

"I have eaten so much of the white bean and kale soup we made this weekend that the EPA just imposed sanctions on my butt"