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Joke of the Day

"""Are you sexually active?"" [Flashback to that one time I sat in a chair a girl was just sitting in and it still felt warm.] ""Yes."""

Next Joke
 
"Me: Do not 'K' me again. Daughter: Que Me: In any language. Her: Si This is why I'm crazy."
"HELP!!! I've just spunked all over my mother's chest by accident whilst she was asleep. If she finds out, she's going to go fucking crazy. Anybody know how to clean cum off antique oak wood??"
"[in bed] ""No, I'm serious Amy. If this were a buddy cop movie would you try to avenge my murder even after the Chief took your gun & badge?"""
"Peter Parker was lucky that radioactive spider bit his hand not his ass or he'd have shot out web every time he farted."
"A Scotsman walks out of a bar. ..."
"A black man and a Mexican are in a car, who is driving? The cop"
"I don't really like abortion jokes. The delivery is always sloppy."
"Spent $200 on a Chinese hooker and was horny again an hour later"
"Why did the mummy cry himself to sleep every night? Because he was empty inside."