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Joke of the Day

"How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife? Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes."

"How big are headphones going to get before we just start to wear helmets with subwoofers inside them?"

"China's economy is doing perfectly fine. I hear it's booming."

"What about that new beer... by Peter Cotton Ale? It's made with more hops!"

"Preferred way to connect with me (ranked most to least): 1. Text 2. Twitter DM 3. Email 4. Phone 5. Climb through my window 6. LinkedIn"

"home is where the pants aren't"

"Barbie sets an unrealistic ideal for young girls. Women can't be doctors."

"What do you call siblings that play soccer? Umbros"

"I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone. I shouted ""Morning!"" He replied ""No, just pooping."""

"I can't take the time to exercise but I did some killer cardio pacing indecisively in front of the Ben & Jerry's section of the supermarket."