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Joke of the Day

"Preferred way to connect with me (ranked most to least): 1. Text 2. Twitter DM 3. Email 4. Phone 5. Climb through my window 6. LinkedIn"

"TIL that condoms have serial numbers. What? Have you never rolled them down that far?"

"My favorite music-related limerick A tutor who taught on the flute, tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, ""Is it harder to toot or, to tutor two tooters to toot?"""

"Why don't you give a college kid fried chicken? Because their too hopped up on crack and politics to have an appetite."

"Turns out I can hold my breath with a pillow over my face way longer than an old person. Innocent mistake.."

"Whats pink and always slippery? A pink slipper"

"What's the German guy say when you kick him in teh crotch? Oof, weinerpain!"

"I still don't understand why we are supposed to eat the tampon afterwards"

"What did the set-up say to the punchline? You're nothing but a joke."

"I always say ""morning"" instead of ""good morning"". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people."