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Joke of the Day

"The city of Chicago is no longer giving speeding tickets... Instead, to deter speeders, the are giving away Bears tickets."

"What's the hardest part about watching a video of somebody being beheaded? My dick."

"Why do fishermen fish in north America? 'Cause they're all about that bass"

"Drank enough whiskey to talk the husband into a Titanic reenactment. He's laying in the snow and I won't share the picnic table with him."

"A mahogany boob... Would be pretty useless, wooden tit?"

"If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about."

"If you keep laughing then you'll always have the last laugh."

"I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson."

"The thing I don't like about shopping centers When you see one, you've seen a mall"

"What do you call an Asian prostitute? Chinese-y"