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Joke of the Day

"I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson."

"I was just dancing like nobody was watching and anyway... my dogs dialed 911 and these firemen think I'm having a seizure."

"Where do tech guys with diarrhea go to work? IBM"

"I would NOT want to have to pay Carly Rae Jepsen's phone bill."

"What is worse than 7 babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to 7 trees:)"

"What is the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $10 to watch a garbanzo bean."

"I will NEVER make the same mistake twice ... In a row. They're in rotation."

"What did the fighter pilot do when his plane was about to crash? He ejaculated from the cockpit."

"If you ever need anything, just ask. But also, please never need anything."

"Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed? Because they have no soles. Joke my fiancee just said to me."