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Joke of the Day

"Meow meow meow [Wife comes home early] MEOW! *cats scramble to untie me from the torture rack* THELMA I TOLD YOU THE CATS HATE ME I TOLD YOU"

"*At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate."

"What salad dressing does Macaulay Culkin prefer? Neverland Ranch."

"A chinese man goes to the eye doctor... The doctor says ""You have cataract. "" and the chinese guy says ""No, I have a rinkin continental."""

"This subreddit has terrible puns on pretty much every subject. In particular, it has puns about the Scottish."

"Do you like pudding? Bill Cosby like pudding his dick where it didn't belong."

"What makes a Mexican saddest about the rise of ebooks? The closing of the Borders."

"Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine."

"Did you hear about the lady who backed into a belt sander? Disaster."

"Why are crabs always tired? Because they sleep in snatches."