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Joke of the Day

"Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine."

"I want to visit north Korea one day... before everything goes south."

"Two condoms are walking down the street... ... and they pass a gay bar. The one condom turns to the other and says ""hey, wanna get shitfaced?"""

"*fart noise* ME: it was your dog. I swear! GIRL: my dog died last year you liar GHOST DOG: theres no way she's gonna sleep with you now lmao"

"What's red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint!"

"Can we speak to the Mayans and have the ending of the world earlier than planned? Preferably before the premier of the new Twilight movie."

"How many suh boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, its already lit fam. I cannot take credit for this due to being told this joke by a freind. He was in fact lit af."

"What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blow job to Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"With the announcement of Pence as Trump's running mate, it reminds me of a man running. With a dick out in front, and an asshole behind him."

"Can someone go to the gym and work out for me? I'm trying to finish this pint of ice cream. Thanks"