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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the guy with insomnia have an affair with anyone's wife? Because he couldn't sleep with anyone."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So nobody confuses them with feminists"

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on Suicide The Librarian says: Fuck off, You wont bring it back."

"COP: You seen an escaped evil octopus? ME: No COP: [looks up] Nice chandelier ME: Thanks COP: Why is it wet? ME: Um COP: And holding 8 guns?"

"Camo Elephants Q: Why do elephants paint their balls red? A: To hide in cherry trees. Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A: Giraffes eating cherries."

"Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes."

"I really hate to get religious on here, but have you seen the thigh gap on Jesus. DAYUM!"

"They say if you ever get attacked by a shark you should punch it in the nose which is easy cause imagine how composed you would be."

"Romantic first date idea: get too nervous beforehand and drive your car into a river"

"What did the left bum check say to the right bum check? He said ""If we stick together, we can stop this shit."""