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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on Suicide The Librarian says: Fuck off, You wont bring it back."

"They don't bury an Amish man with his beard. They bury him with shovels."

"I'm cooking some SpaghettiOs in nothing but my underwear. All of a sudden, Chef Ramsay bursts into my kitchen and beats the shit out of me."

"Accordion to a recent survey, most people don't notice when a musical instrument is inserted into a sentence."

"Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?"

"Shoutout to my Cold War reenactment group! We're just a bunch of chill white guys, sitting at a table, acting stressed about the USSR."

"Seenus trouble Dad: Son, I have seenus trouble. Me: Seenus? Dont you mean sinus trouble, pops? Dad: No, son. Seenus, I was out with my girlfriend and your mom seenus."

"I was going to work this morning and sat across from a really hot Thai girl on the train. I kept blushing and sweating and thinking ""Please don't get a hard-on"". But she did."

"Free beer tomorrow!"

"What's the difference between Jack Daniel's and General Custer? Jack Daniel's is still killing Indians"