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Joke of the Day

"Wow! last night was crazy. I killed 15 zombies just in the first hour alone. Anyone know why they were all carrying sweets?"

"Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine."

"What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks I needed that."

"How are UFO's related to hamburgers? Both are Unidentified Frying Objects!"

"""Hey idiots - I don't have spikes"" - The sun, to child artists"

"Friends are like a trampoline Because I always wanted one. edit: grammar"

"Next time you're at the gym close your eyes. It sounds like you're in a porno.."

"They say being a hostage is hard But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back."

"I know you're not supposed to question doctors, but it's weird how my dentist keeps insisting on checking my prostate."

"Overheard at Starbucks: Man: Would you like to try a pumpkin spice latte? Woman: No. Since Trump came on the scene I am boycotting everything orange."