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Joke of the Day

"Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second but instead I'm going to run over it 100 times with the vacuum at different angles."

"Of all the different types of pornography ... I'd say animal porn is the bestial."

"Zencrafters.... Total enlightenment, in about an hour."

"Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway"

"I don't know what ""swag"" is, but I was just told Justin Bieber & Lil Wayne both claim to have it. So, I'm assuming it's not talent."

"Do crazy shit. You'll learn from it, be a better person & have bad ass stories to tweet about. The latter is the most important of course."

"I used to have sex daily... then I ran out of money"

"A horse walks into a bar...... A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says ""hey SICCNESS206, put your pants back on"""

"I wonder if meat-packing plants charge for services rendered."

"*around a fire* There used to be no iMessage *kids gasp* ""So there were a lot of green messages?"" THEY WERE ALL GREEN MESSAGES *kids scream*"